I know how it feels, sitting there trying to figure out what you could have done differently. Playing scenarios over and over in your head. Analyzing texts, trying to figure out the exact moment things went wrong. Questioning yourself and whether it was all your fault.
I mean, why isn’t your love enough? Why doesn’t this person see how amazing you are and how much you have to offer? Why are you chasing this person just to get back to the way things once were?
When someone breaks your heart, it’s hard to not let it get to you. It’s hard to not to let it bruise your ego. It’s hard to let it go—even if they weren’t right for you and all the signs pointed to that end. Letting go means admitting defeat, and no one likes to do that. It’s our need to feel wanted and loved that makes us hold onto the wrong person for longer than we should.
We’ve all been told: “You’re too good for him!” “He doesn’t deserve you!” “You can do better!” And yet we STILL DON’T LISTEN. You know you’re being treated badly, and that you deserve more. And yet you sit in a pool of denial, staring at your phone, waiting for him to text you back. You tell yourself that if you stick around for long enough and let him walk all over you or play his stupid games, eventually you’ll win.
But the only person who ends up getting hurt is you. The moment you try to prove your worth to someone is the moment you’ve already lost.
Ending a relationship can be incredibly difficult no matter how toxic it is. Part of this is for simple biological reasons, as some scientific studies have shown that being in love activates the same areas of the brain as being high on cocaine.
Brain scans of lovers and people experiencing cocaine addiction both display increased activity in the pleasure centers of the brain (most notably the dopamine centers) and decreased activity in the frontal lobe, which is the area responsible for cognition. This means that while falling in love can make us feel good, it can also profoundly affect our judgment.
It is for this reason that love can sometimes be compared to an addiction. In love, much like addiction, there may be negative side effects such as abuse or gaslighting. But despite all of those bad circumstances, it can still be difficult to kick the romantic attraction and feelings of love.
These Three Tips Will Help You Learn To Let Go:
1. ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL
Letting go is usually not easy. It can be painful to end a relationship even if the relationship was not serving your highest good. Honor any feelings of grief you may have, and allow yourself to feel those emotions rather than attempting to suppress them. Accept grief as a part of the experience, and allow yourself the time you need to heal.
2. DISCOVER THE LESSON
Many people who move on from a toxic relationship feel guilt or shame as they perceive the time they spent in the relationship as a waste. However, every person who comes into our lives can teach us something. Rather than looking at your relationship as wasted time, try to find the lesson in it. What did this person teach you? What are you taking away from the relationship? How have you changed as a person, and how might you do things differently next time?
In life, lessons may often be repeated until they are learned. Look for the lesson from this relationship and you may be less likely to carry the same lesson over into your next relationship.
3. CREATE SEPARATION
It can be hard to distance yourself from someone you’re used to spending so much time with, but it is usually necessary if you want to move on from the relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t maintain a friendship with your ex, but it’s usually best to allow some time for both parties to heal before you try to spend time together as friends.