The idea that someone out there is the “love of your life” is quite popular. In some way, it’s similar to the idea of “having a better half”. It implicitly introduces the idea that there’s a great love predestined for us and that we have the duty of looking for it until we find it. It’s assumed that, if you haven’t found the love of your life, all you have to do is keep looking.
There’s nothing wrong with sugar-coating love. In fact, it can be quite enriching. The problem is when you’re certain that you’ll find the love of your life sometime and that it’s going to last forever. If it doesn’t last forever with someone it’s because it wasn’t meant to be.
The problem with this is that it can make certain people live their lives according to a misconceived notion. This is why it’s necessary to clear some things up. To do this, let’s see 4 reasons why you haven’t been able to find the love of your life.
Narcissism keeps you from accepting differences
A lot of people believe that their ideal partner is some kind of mirror. Thus, they look for someone who is just like them. Yes, it’s important for the couple to have things in common and be compatible with each other. However, that doesn’t take away the fact that there could be major differences between the partners.
If you can’t find the love of your life, you probably have an idea of love that’s way too personal. You might think that love equals someone who meets all your needs and fulfills your desires. But what about you? Are you capable of meeting someone else’s needs and granting all of their wishes? Are you only seeing your side of the story instead of taking the other side into consideration as well?
Fairy tale fantasies: A huge reason why you probably haven’t found the love of your life
Many people still believe that someone should show up and automatically make them feel butterflies in their stomach. This someone should make their heart beat faster and their hands sweat. They look for a person who makes them feel in paradise just by being with them. They won’t settle for any less.
These fantasies are very typical during adolescence. It’s not just love but how young we are that makes us experience affection that way during that time of our lives. Our youth won’t come back to us and love will never be as effervescent as it was back then. On the other hand, it could be much better, more realistic and long-lasting.
You haven’t developed your ability to commit
One of the most frequent reasons why people can’t find the “love of their lives” is that it’s difficult for them to commit. Assuming any kind of commitment isn’t easy because it implies a series of losses and resignation. It also makes us realize that reality is incomplete and imperfect. We basically deny our romantic fantasies when committing to someone because of how rational of an act it is.
We sometimes don’t want to accept that reality has ordinary facets. Commitment isn’t compatible with idealism but with realism. Not everyone has the ability to commit themselves to another human being. And it’s important to note that no love will survive without commitment.
You’re obsessed with success
There is currently a great obsession with success, especially in the work sphere. People want to climb to the top and have more money, more luxury, and more prestige. The only way to get all of that is by committing to their work and the goals they’ve set.
In this regard, it’s very difficult for love to prosper in your life if you only focus on success. For certain people, love ends up being a company that must be profitable. It might be the right time to reveal one of the greatest secrets of true love: we fall in love with the other person’s vulnerability and needs instead of their success.
If you’re sad because you can’t find the love of your life, you might need to understand that there’s nothing to find. It’s not about finding the perfect relationship but building it. It’s not about being loved but loving. That’s how simple the formula of a happy relationship really is.