People tend to hype up marriage as this life-changing event, and while it’s definitely a huge step, it shouldn’t be that monumental in the grand scheme of your life. If you’re with the right person, nothing really changes at all.
1. THE DYNAMIC OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL STAY THE SAME.
With the right person, a couple of golden bands and a piece of paper aren’t going to completely alter how you interact with each other. If you’re not a housewife kind of woman, you’re not suddenly going to wake up with an apron surgically attached to your body the day after your wedding. If he’s not much of a sports guy, he’s not suddenly going to demand you bring him a beer while he screams at his team to “pass the damn ball.”
2. NEITHER OF YOUR CAREERS ARE GOING TO CHANGE.
Again, there’s no expectation for either of you to quit your job or change your career path following marriage. Like, why? What would be the reasoning behind this fear? If anything, you now have a partner to support your successes and be there for you financially when you decide to quit your day job and try to become an artist. Win/win.
3. THE CHORES ARE EITHER GOING TO GET DONE OR NOT, JUST LIKE BEFORE YOU SAID “I DO.”
If he’s not great at doing chores around the house, getting married isn’t suddenly going to compel him to start being better. The only thing that will encourage him to take more of the workload is a mature, direct conversation. It already sounds derivative, but if you’re with the right guy, this should be a fairly easy conversation.
4. YOUR FIGHTS AREN’T GOING TO DISAPPEAR.
I’m not going to lie: the honeymoon stage is pretty great. You can’t get enough of each other and fights pretty much don’t exist for at least a month or so. Unfortunately, they come back. Marriage isn’t the ultimate solution to your relationship issues. In fact, if you have that mindset, it can cause more arguments than anything else.
5. IF HE WASN’T FULLY COMMITTED TO BEGIN WITH, MARRIAGE WON’T FIX THAT.
Say it with me: marriage isn’t how you fix a relationship. If he was cheating on you left and right, marrying him just means you’re going to have a cheating husband rather than a cheating boyfriend. Sorry to say it, but marriage doesn’t make bad guys better.
6. YOU WON’T HAVE LESS FUN TOGETHER.
Marriage doesn’t mean you stop drinking alcohol, you no longer see your friends, and you go to bed right after watching the 5 o’clock news. You still get all the fun of your life, just with someone to split the tab or travel the world with.
7. YOU WON’T SUDDENLY WANT TO BE AROUND HIM 24/7.
If your relationship is a healthy one, then you and your partner hopefully strive to keep your own sense of self. That doesn’t mean freezing each other out, it’s just a matter of valuing your own interests, friends, hobbies, and personal time away from your spouse. You can love doing things together, obviously, but becoming an eternal “we” is something my husband and I try to avoid at all costs. Marriage doesn’t change that. If you’re like us and you need some “you time,” getting married doesn’t mean you’ve signed a contract binding you to your partner’s side 24 hours a day. You can take time for yourself and still lead your own life—just make sure you’re willing to bring someone into that life before you take the leap. Marriage is all about meeting in the middle.
8. TRUE, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO START HAVING MORE “BIG LIFE TALKS.”
One big thing that MIGHT change is the number of “important life talks” you have to have. But don’t forget, long-term couples who aren’t married still have to have these talks! When do you move in together? Whose apartment do you move into? Do you want to change cities? Are you interested in having kids? When? How many? If you’re going to share your life with someone in any capacity, these talks are going to happen at some point, even if it’s just to agree you don’t want anything of that stuff. Money becomes a big topic of conversation (bank accounts and bills and all that jazz), but it’s admittedly nice to have someone to collaborate with on this sometimes scary adult stuff.
9. MARRYING THE RIGHT GUY IS LESS OF A TERRIFYING CHANGE AND MORE OF A CELEBRATION.
When you’ve found the right person, marrying them is the least scary thing in the world. As cheesy as it sounds, you know you’re committed to them in your mind and in your heart, so the actual wedding ceremony is more of an opportunity to celebrate that love with the most important people in your lives. You would have been leading this same life with them anyway, just without the influx of money and tons of amazing gifts. No arguments here.